The Gift and the Vastness

The Gift and the Vastness

The Wave

There was once a wave in the ocean, speeding along the surface, basking in the sun with the wind in his face, loving his life and playing with the other waves. He was always happy until he looked away at the distance, and saw the coming shore. He was horrified to see other waves ahead of him crashing into the rocks, breaking and dying. Another wave nearby noticed his distress.

“What’s wrong, man?” said the other wave.
“You don’t understand! None of this matters, this good life, or the sun, or anything! Look at the shore, man, all us waves are going to be crushed against it and die!”
“No, you don’t understand! You’re not a wave… you’re the ocean.”

The Gift

I remembered last Tuesday what I am. I knew it already, but sometimes it’s not enough to know, because for something this important you have to feel it in your fucking bones, your marrow, your deepest mind.

People talk about purpose and talk about their best or highest self, but not that many people know what that means, and vanishingly few live there.

Here’s what it means.

You are a gift. From whom? To whom?

You believe you’re a human being trying to make yourself better or live your life in a better way, but you are not. You are a gift.

Every person and every circumstance is created and intended as a gift, given in love, to any who choose to accept it. You are a gift given in love and accepted with love and gratitude by those who receive you.

The Vast Artist

You, the real you, the one I remembered who I am, are vast. Imagine living in an ocean of connection, dancing through that palpable love. Imagine stretching an infinite multitude of arms outward. From each arm you offer a unique gift, given in love.

You are like an artist because you create each particular gift deliberately, you design each ego, each circumstance, as an experience of connection that hasn’t been generated before, and then you make it available for others to experience. Each is a unique way to experience love and connection, which is a precious gift.

When another like you accepts your gift, she gets to experience that unique connection. She knows what unique perspective your gift offers, and just like you deliberately created it, she deliberately accepts that particular gift.

The Acceptance

The issue is that the gift itself sometimes gets in the way of the giving. Even though the vast us designed the ego’s way of being and its circumstances, that ego gets caught up. It thinks it’s important in itself, it judges itself relentlessly and resists itself endlessly.

What we need, then, is radical self acceptance. We need to realize that we are a precious gift, through to our core. All our fear, and lack of worth, all our mistakes, all our profound love and compassion, all of it is part of our unique gift, offered to meet a specific and deliberate need.

If you stop and really ponder that, you’ll realize that the only thing that can ever truly be “wrong with you” is not accepting and being grateful for yourself. If you do that, all the way down deep until the layers are peeled back, the issues you struggle with will evaporate. Your jealousies, your dark fears, or uncertainty will all make you laugh. Everything will make perfect sense because you will see yourself exactly as you really are, and therefore you’ll make yourself available as a gift of loving kindness, as you were meant to be.

Once you stop resisting yourself and remember that you are a gift offered in love, you will live in that love. You will be able to offer and accept it freely because you won’t be frantically trying to preserve your ego anymore.

The Eye

Look deep. Think of the parts of yourself you don’t like, and start joyfully accepting them as designed. The bullshit will fall away, making it possible for the shitty circumstances to melt as well.

Look at layer after layer after layer, and accept it all, while your world shifts around you. And at the end, you’ll look down one more layer with your mind’s eye, and you’ll see something different than pain and blockage and resistance.

You’ll see your vastness, and remember that your ego is just a tool, a precious gift, given freely to the world, in utter love and joy. And then you’ll live it.

I am not a man with a dream. I am a dream with a man

Update: Read more on my Vastness Q & A →

Responses

  1. Pingback: Vastness Q&A « Hypernatural « Essays « Pete Michaud

  2. Tim ()

    I think many of us have had this realization at some point, we become aware of our shortcomings, we see them as part of ourselves and realize we’ve been hiding from them rather than embracing them. And we kind of understand we have to embrace to move beyond. But, the realization fades and the ability to perceive our shortcomings in a playful way disappears. So I think the key is knowing HOW to continually remember, to continually make it into this game of us playfully chasing our monkey minds in order not to simply let the shortcomings own us. Any thoughts? (Reply)

  3. Deanne Klages ()

    Dear Pete,
    Beautiful words. You have always been Gods blessing to us since you came into this world and we held you for the first time. Actually, we loved you before you were born, because we watched you grow into our lives. We are so proud of the person you are, but it does not surprise me, because we new you were special from the beginning.

    DeeDee & Grandpa (Reply)

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