I could brand myself as a business blog and I’d be credible since my retirement story is the the kind of thing that the blogosphere loves to jerk off to. I could talk about technology like I did when I was Ken Sharpe. I could talk about cognitive biases, or philosophy. The list continues.
I’m not comfortable branding myself in any of those ways. I keep revisiting my about page because it causes me dissonance—my most popular posts are practical, about customers, procrastination, entrepreneurship, but my about page makes me sound like a self help hippy.
But I never change it because I read over those words and they ring true. It turns out that I secretly am a hippy.
I do have a fire.
My deepest desire is to ignite that fire in others, and I want them to break out of their generic existence to spread that fire to others as well. Every time I write a productivity essay that gets a bunch of traffic from StumbleUpon, I’m disappointed because I know I’m missing my real target.
But the posts I write that hint at passion and fire don’t go anywhere. A few people read them and don’t comment, and Google doesn’t like them either. And for good reason: they are tepid. They only hint at what I’m talking about. They don’t bust out of your monitor and scream: “look at me motherfucker! Here is my blazing fury, feel it!”
I’m not powerless or ignorant though, I know exactly why this is true. I’m afraid of alienating the people who love to hear productivity tips.
I think they won’t appreciate my thoughts about Prana and Chakras and energetic beings. Energy work.
What a fucking crackpot, this guy believes in that hippy bullshit.
I feel defensive even publicly admitting I am involved with it. Wait a minute, before you judge me, let me remind you that I’m a rationalist at heart, and I wouldn’t believe it if I didn’t have evidence.
Energy work is the kind of thing that you’re right to be skeptical about, but that you can’t deny once you’ve seen it. Even my woman, who is already into New Age crap, didn’t really believe it as more than a convenient metaphor for body chemicals.
Then I did a session to clear an energy block in her solar plexus.
If you had been in the room watching, you would have seen me speaking soothingly to a very relaxed woman, running my hands on and over her body. Because of the size of the block I cleared for her, my soothing talk and gentle touch was followed by her labored breathing, then painful moaning, and eventually agonized writhing and crying.
She felt the energetic cruft and goop breaking up, spreading through her body, and blasting out of her pores, her mouth, her ears. As the healer, I felt the dark brownish, goopy energy infect my own, and I worked to clear it from both of our energetic bodies as it was expelled from the block. I heaved and wretched, my heart felt like it was being stabbed, I cried.
Then, like a kidney stone fully passed, it stopped. The block was clear, her energy body shined brightly from the light within once more, and my woman, no worse for the wear, felt an otherworldly calm and lightness like she’d never felt. The feeling of well-being persists, we talked about this morning. She apologized to me for ever doubting.
This shit is real.
Of course there are bullshit artists ready to sell you ear candles and palm readings. Much of the New Age movement is fluff, and I’ll be the first to call them on it. Conspiracy theorists think the government is run by alien lizards, but that doesn’t mean the government doesn’t exist. Phone psychics may be trained in cold reading, but that doesn’t mean your energetic field doesn’t have information that some people (like me) can perceive.
I don’t pretend to know the mechanisms at play, or even to have a full picture of how it all works in practice, but I know that the basic ideas of prana and chakras are correct because I am able to see, feel, and manipulate them. I can check with similar people who confirm what I’m seeing. When I’m given permission, I look into a person’s mind and see what they thought were dark secrets, and I lay them out in the light.
It began as insight into other peoples’ thoughts, progressed to seeing visible energy move across and between living things, and blossomed into a more robust understanding of human beings.
Stuff that exists in reality, along with rocks and cell phones, but that we don’t really understand yet. Stuff that a huge and growing population knows is out there from personal experience, but that hasn’t quite been connected to modern science yet (for a number of reasons that I expect to explore here).
The dissonance and fear have festered long enough. I’ve been beating around the bush since very near the beginning of my writing here. Now it’s out.
Alienating with the Truth
I’m sure that owning my unusual beliefs will alienate some people. I’d encourage regular readers who are put off by this to at least give me the benefit of the doubt: you’ve read from me in the past because you think I have some insight, so if I push you past a comfort zone, stay with me to see where I’m going. I think I’ve earned that. If nothing else, ignoring my thoughts on “energy” means missing out on a tremendously useful tool for harnessing the power of your mind, even if I’m totally out to lunch on the real mechanism at work (I’m not, but that’s for you to decide).
I’m also sure that sharing my beliefs and knowledge will attract many others who otherwise would not have resonated with my work—it will be the kick that many long-time readers need to see that they aren’t alone, and it’ll bring other readers into the fold.
When I say there’s a fire inside me, that I’m ignited, I’m not being poetic. I’m saying that I literally have an energetic fire burning in my chest, pushing its way out, inspiring and compelling me to spread it.
When I tell you to throw yourself onto the fire, I mean that inner fire of love, passion, and courage that has the power to scour your bones of fear, doubt, and pain. I’m talking to about setting yourself on fire with possibility, connecting to your purpose, and creating a meaningful life.
If you’re with me, I have so much gratitude for you. If you’re not sure, stay here and watch, see what happens. I have amazing things in store.
Throw yourself onto the fire. This is your sign.